I've felt depressed for most of this week. It feels like right when I get into a situation where I'm supposed to be having fun my depression creeps back up on me and injects me with despair. I'm 25. I'm supposed to be enjoying my youth. I'm supposed to be trying new things and loving my boys, watching them grow up and soaking up every moment with them since they only stay little for so long. But depression is a bitch. It hurts you all the time but then at the same time makes you feel like you'd be nothing without it.
I turn 26 in a little more than a week. I know what I need and want lately, it's just a matter of deciding what to pick. I'm on a low cholesterol diet still but since my birthday only comes once a year, I think one non diet friendly dessert won't kill me. I don't know what I want for that either though.
I got my hypoallergenic electrode pads last week. They're a huge pain in the ass. The ones that make me break out stayed on no matter how much the cords were pulled on but the hypoallergenic ones have the worst adhesive I've seen. At least I'm not breaking out in a disgusting rash anymore, but it's super annoying when the phone they loaned me beeps because one of the electrodes fell off.
I was very productive today. I got half the house cleaned, did three loads of laundry, and did four days worth of meal prep for J and myself. But not long after I finished depression wrapped around me like a blanket on a cold night.
I don't hate life all the time, but it's times like these where I wish I didn't have to exist. Maybe for just a little while so I can rest without anyone else depending on me?
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